I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
