3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
