make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
