I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
