Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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