Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We don't watch enough power rangers
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
