I understand Curling. That high.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
