just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
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she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
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A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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