I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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