I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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