For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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