he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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