The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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