After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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