My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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