Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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