You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
