Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
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