The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
