I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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