You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
