your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
