Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
