im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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