I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
