That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
