I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
