The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
