I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I think my vagina is haunted
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
