kristin has been a bad kristin
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
