apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
