He asked to "fluff my boner.."
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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