there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
