Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
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I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
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