all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
There's a naked man in my car right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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