apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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