Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
