can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
