I don't usually arrange sex via text message
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
