i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
