She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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