i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
