so explain again why im purple
no
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
