Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
