Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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