it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
cat food counts as protein by the way
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
