Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
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The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
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Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
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