I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
