Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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