I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
