He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
