Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
