The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
