i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
