dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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