I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
