i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
