Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
