Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
In other news, I just burned my penis
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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