I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sorry about my life...
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Randomize
