i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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