overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
