"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Can you bring me the toilet please
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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