is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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