You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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