Jerry, you need to find god
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
