Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
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It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
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Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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