I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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