..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
