My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
