my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Randomize
